Should I believe in God?
For me, knowing God started at a very young age. My mom was the main person who introduced me to the church's Sunday school and everything that came with it. Skits, games, fancy hand gestures to remember a song, really exciting worship songs (shoutout to the Hillsong kids 2005 soundtrack), hearing a message, and then to top it all off: the wall of prizes.
But for real though, I think the best day of my life was going to the "adult service" in 6th grade. I totally skipped the whole youth group stage for some reason?? (Okay this is so funny to type out) For some reason I preferred that over the festivities done in middle school. Still don't understand that. But hey. Blame my early maturation on the adult service.
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There comes a point in every child's life growing up where we decide for ourselves: "is this something I truly believe in?"
I think a large part in developing a relationship with God was looking up to my mom's faith, and her faith being able to withstand throughout the deepest and darkest trials there was. Every time something would pop up, good or bad, it always led us to Jesus. Because it seemed like there wasn't anything in this world that could help us. There wasn't anyone that could break someone's chains. No one we could go to could help us escape the reality we were living in. Jesus was all that kept us on our feet when we could've broken down in an instant.
There were times where I would frequently run up and hide in my closet, heavy with tears, crying out to God for change. It seemed like the natural thing for me was to do was ask for God's help instead of getting mad at him. As a child, I did not question why we were going through it, because at that point it seemed so normal.
But to anyone who is questioning... it's okay. It's normal to doubt. But I want you to know that although you do not understand why you are going through it, God knows and he's SO more than ready to embrace you with open arms and spill his love over your life. He is going to take every hurt, every tear, and turn it around for good. You're praying to a faithful God (Even when you run, his love will chase you down friend!) It might not make sense, but I promise, even if you're hesitant not even one prayer is wasted. I know that mine weren't.
Encouraging rant over- back to the story now hehe:
Even when we couldn't see it right in front our eyes, there was just something so surreal about God. We didn't have to see progress to know that He was there. I think that was the amazing part about being a child, I didn't have to know the facts or see proof in order to believe. I wasn't questioning. I just believed, and it was beautiful. Gah I love childlike faith and wonder. (And hey, we can still have that even now!)
But as I grew, I discovered who God really was more than just what I learned about him. And it was through one of my darkest experiences in my past. I could not escape my mind. I could not function properly, I felt ashamed. In those moments, God never left, but what was so surreal is what came out of it. The gospel finally clicked for me. It was more than just knowing. It resonated with me. It meant something to me. What Jesus endured on the cross, was SO powerful to literally wipe my shame away, wipe away my past, and enable me to live without being beaten up inside. My past could not hold me any longer! I could move forward because of how new Jesus made me.
It wasn't easy, but just by believing this and constantly reminding myself of this verse reminded me of who I truly am in my eyes and God's eyes:
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
2 Corinthians 5:17
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
2 Corinthians 5:17
Surreal y'all.
I think this says that God really does turn around the worst things that happen to us for good. Even the mistakes we make ourselves! (Hard to believe, I know!)
And I learned of this gift, grace. I didn't deserve what God had did for me. And to think that God loves me at my worst, and is so quick to forgive me on the DAILY! Like, it's the best thing ever. Of course, we shouldn't take the gift of grace as something to use as a "get out of jail" card and keep doing the wrong thing over and over, but allow ourselves to be transformed and made more like Christ himself. And I think that's the beautiful part of growing with Jesus. When you remain in him, draw near to him, you will want to please him. You will be in love with him. You will run to him more and more.
That's just a little bit of my story, and hey, yours I bet is very different or even similar in some ways. We all have different upbringings and trials that we faced along the way. But hear this, God has never once left you, even when you decided to leave. He has the very best life for you (and to come) when you decide to let go of what is holding you back (your past, your shame, your mistakes) and take in the salvation that God offers...to be connected to him again, and to live for more than just familiarity. He did that for me, and he'll do this for you too! There's nothing you could ever say or do to make God love you more than he does in this moment. For all of those who know me, there's no way on earth I would be the same person I am without Jesus holding me through it all this entire time!
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I believe that when you ask God to be in your life, He truly can't help but respond to that. His love for you is deep even when nothing around you is going right. There's still a reason that you're here. There's still something, even the smallest thing, to be grateful for.
And when you cry out to him, friend, you will never be the same.
Love,
Rithika <3
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